In my previous article on time bomb I tackled some points which has propelled some brethren to ask questions on the issue of whom to married, and many other things surrounding this issue of marriage.

In this article, I'm not here to give you the way out rather, what I want to share with you is something I'm learning and it is also becoming principles to me. 

There are three (3) points or principles I want to lay out here, they are healthy and can be of help in your seeking a marriage partner and who knows, it maybe what will help you to see clearly in the area of marriage. These points can serve as bedrock for other things in your marriage. I'm not going to lay these principles down as a form of formulas to follow rather, as a guide or compass in your conviction about this or that person you might be thinking of.

Principle Number 1.

YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO MARRY AN UNBELIEVER

You can't afford to marry an unbeliever. There are principles in the bible that cannot be alter except on some occasion in which God himself altered them. Like saying "Hosea go and married a harlot" (See Hosea Chapter 1). We'll know that that's a rare case. The Lord used that scenario to speak to the children of Israel. 

In the scripture, the Lord forbid an Israelite to married a stranger. He/She must marry from among his/her brethren. Before the Law, Abraham commanded his servant to married for his son from among his brethren. He warned him not to married his son to a stranger in the land of Canaan.

The same thing played out when Jacob and Esau were to marry. Direct instruction came to them on where to married from. Esau disobeyed and married among the strangers his father forewarned him not to marry from. His aim was to get his father angry but like I said earlier, marriage is all about you not your parent or brethren. We all know the end result of that.

I must also point this out lest someone begins to say "what about this or that person that married an unbeliever and later converted him/her to a Christian?” Don't get me wrong. I'm not here to give you rules. I'm just here to share my thoughts and perceptions with you. I would rather ask you "who's leading you in your decision of marrying an unbeliever?” If you think you can convert him/her, I want you to think that twice. You are not Christ, you cannot convert anyone.

Do you want to go through hell before realizing this truth? If you feel the Lord is leading you in that way, shoot at it and stick with what you've been told but don't give it as an example that someone must/should follow. To save yourself from those hassles, I will encourage you to married from among your brethren, this also has nothing to do with "denominationalism" "house cell" or "undenominational" or whatever name they are called rather, it has everything to do with Christ. If he/she is a believer then, you can married her/him. But wait....

Principle Number 2.

WHO IS SHE/HE IN LOVE WITH?

It took me a while to realize that "it takes something to shake you to your foundation in order to know who or what you are in love with". This is also true in marriage. If a lady or man is in love with someone or a thing, he/she will be willing to let go of all in order to satisfy that particular thing. This is the reason I love the story that God told of Jacob; the husband of Leah and Rachel, and of Joseph; the husband of Mary, the mother of Jesus, till date.

It is an example of good thing. Jacob was in love with God at first, he was willing to give it all to have God, he doesn't mind going through a crooked means in order to get that (Remember how he got the inheritance). The same thing repeated itself when he got to Laban's wife, when he saw Rachel. He loved Rachel just the same way he loved the Lord. The same thing translated into his relationship with Rachel. Despite his shortcoming and mistakes, he was a type of Seeker seeking the Truth.

Joseph loved Mary, after he got the news that Mary was pregnant, he was willing to put her aside without causing her any shame but one important thing is "Joseph was a God's lover; He loved the Lord". He was willing to obey the Lord’s instruction in not putting Mary aside.

The way a man will love his wife will be readily seen in how he loves the Lord. If your man/woman to be is in love with things rather than a Person, you need to be sure. In marriage, we don't start building afresh rather we continue building on what we've already built in our singleness. If she is a lover of God, you can be sure she will keep loving her Lord and be willing to submit to Christ.

If he is a lover of God, you can be sure that he will do that which his Lord commanded in loving you as his wife just as Christ loves the Ekklesia and gave himself for her.

May you be weary of a man or woman who is totally sold out to programs, activities, Churchianity and things "about" Christ.

In affirming your conviction about that person, be sure he/she loves Christ and willing to follow the Lord. It won't eliminate challenges in Marriage but it will make your journey much easier because Christ is now the head of your house not any man.

A man/woman cannot be a true seeker, if he/she is lazy. This laziness will not only reflect in his/her relationship with the Lord but, it would be seen when he/she gets into marriage. He/she may be vibrant at work but you need also to be sure that, that vibrancy can also be seen in his/her relationship with the Lord.

Principle 3.

FOCUS OR VISION...?

Don't get into a relationship with that person who does not have a focus or vision of where he/she is going even after you are fully persuaded. In fact, your persuasion is not complete until you see this in place. If a lady/man talks about houses, cars or material things as visions or focus, though he/she may be a believer, he/she isn't ready for Marriage.

If the centrality of his/her life is tied to some things aside Vision you can be sure that fulfillment may never knock at your door. He/she may be a believer, it doesn't matter. You may have all that you need as husband and wife; great kids, wonderful houses but if that is the Vision; then something is fundamentally wrong with that relationship.

You will then say, “But I’m born-again” to that I will reply “Yes! But you have no hope" because there is no difference between you and unbelievers except for born-again certificate you carried. Hope gives you a vision.

What if those things are lost in the mist? What if challenges arise and all that are nowhere to be found? What would be your anchor in the trying moment? Paul said "I've finished my course" and his course was to reach the gentiles with the Gospel of the Kingdom. This he did very well.

Peter testimony was "I'm ready to put off the body or tabernacle just as the Lord has shown me". What has the Lord shown you? What is your heavenly calling? What would be your own testimony when it all been said and done?

My dear, what's your vision? Marriage is meant to enhance your vision. It is not meant to give you a vision. If you have none, you aren't ready for that man/woman. Go get one and make sure that the vision is an eternal-vision tied to God's Eternal Purpose.

PS: Vision in this context has nothing to do with the present situation or condition of a brother or sister. Vision has to do with “I know that I'm going to London, yet I am stranded in a bush working myself out and not been lazy. But, I don't know the way or how I'm going to get to the destination God has called me into. I'm pretty sure of what God has called me do”.

It is like the case of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph the dreamer and David. They all have an Eternal Vision but how to get there was something they don’t know.

Someone has done a great Job on this issue of vision. Please read HERE

Or you can read my brother post on “Don’t Get Married If” HERE