Q 1. I think all women are hurting and they are just pretending...

Not all women are hurting. I've seen many women that are in their husbands' houses, living well and not pretending...

Such people are the encouragement I have that led me to changed my mind about marriage. My plan was to remain single for life.

But, I've seen women that are hurting their husbands. I've also seen men that beat up their wives. But, that doesn't give a valid evidence to say "All women are hurting" or "All men are hurting”.

Aside from that, there is God's order in marriage. if a man/woman doesn't understand this, the other person involves will suffer greatly.

Moreover, we are all hurting. A pieces of broken bottles, chattered and battered with life, wandering through the earth like a dog that has lost its owner.

This is why a hurting man can marry a hurting woman, and both of them can either get to know God and seek Him as the only person that can fix their lives or they can both be trying to fix their lives which will only result to more pains and agonies.

The letters of early believers like Paul, Peter and so on, shed light on this. Those letters speak to husband and wife on how they should treat one another, how they should honor one another.

Q.2 What of the egoism in Marriage?

We all have our egos or pride that has been corrupted by sin. If we yield to Christ, he will purify and refine what God has given to us which will result in sharing in his glory and so on.

But, if it is flesh we yield to, we've done evil. No matter how nice it is, it's purely evil. The source of our pride/glory/ego Must/should be God.

If God is the source, then it is pure, holy and full of love. The result of that will be to glorify God.

But if it's flesh. it's unholy, full of self-centeredness buried in selfishness and hatred. The fruit of that is EVIL, enmity against God.

The issue is not even egoism per say, rather most men/women are not even following Christ in their marriages, though they may say and confess that they are believers.

Q. 3 Is there any good example of what Marriage should look like?

There is no "Good example" of what a marriage should look like. Mrs. B marriage can and must never be the standard by which every marriage should be judged or measured.

Marriage is unique. It is tailored down to the individuals involved and how they are willing to sacrifice.

Q. 4 Are you saying we can't judge someone's marriage?

‎By what measure and standard? Using someone else's marriage to judge millions of marriages is nothing but a lie and deception.

Q.5 Can we advocate for men or women to stand for their right in marriage?

If any woman wants to advocate for women in marriage, let her show and teach women to do their own part of the responsibilities God has measured out for them.

If any man is exalting men above the women, let such fellow be called to his sense that God created both Male and Female, the only difference between them is "Responsibility" given to each one of them.

The Job of every men/husbands is to "Love their wives as Christ loves the Church and gave himself for her...." This is what men ought to be doing, and be teaching the young men....

Men need a lot of learning in this field.

The women/wives' job is to submit to their husbands. In fact, old women were told to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. You see, there is a lot of "learning to love" that every woman should go through and learn.

Q. 6 What then is the Problem with men/women?

The problem has always been:

Men/husbands, most of the time, leave what they ought to be doing, and then focus on what their wives ought to be doing that she is not doing.

Women/wives also leave what they ought to be doing and focus on what their husbands ought to be doing that they are not doing.

When both parties leave their places of duty to teach one another what they are not doing right (e.g. "You are not submitting enough" or "You don't love me enough") The result is always Chaos! Fault finding and all manner of things will set in.

A man MUST love his wife even if she is rebellious and Jezebelic.. The man's job is to love her.

Don't be her man if you are not ready to put up with her. Putting up with her or marrying her means you are ready to love her till death.

A woman MUST submit to her husband even if the man is a bastards and an irresponsible person. Your job is to submit and learn how to love your husband. If you are not ready for this, don't get into the boat with that man else both of you are going to sink.

Now imagine if both parties come into a marriage with this mindset. what will happen? Each will function in their responsibilities.

This is why Marriage is not about SEX, MONEY, GOLD, HOUSE, and all the material things life can offer... Sex is good, money is great, house and material stuffs are needed on this planet earth, but they are not supposed to be what we build our marriage on.

Marriage is a sacrifice and a responsibility to be like Christ in loving the unlovable, rebellious, bastards, and then submitting to the authoritarian and vagabond.
These are some of the characters we possess as humans and yet, God loves us.

If anyone isn't ready for these, such person is not worthy to be married.

Lastly, Marriage is not something you get in to and you want to chicken out any time you like. People that chickens out don't actually understand what marriage is from the beginning.

This is why you can't just jump into marriage or marry someone just because of sex, beauty, figure/curve, money, procreation or whatever. It requires a lot of cost counting.
And if you missed that counting of the cost, you will count it when you enter into marriage.

I only pray that it won't be too late.


"You may wanna read "SINGLENESS" to get a glimpse to what you ought to be doing as a single brother or sister. TIME BOMB also buttress on the issue of marriage and "BEFORE YOU SAY YES" talks about how to check your conviction before jumping into marriage with that man or that woman"