2. “YOU CAN'T JUST MARRY ANY MAN/WOMAN”

Well maybe because the man was rich (Now, I'm speculating). Come to think of it, what about the speech Abigail gave to David, were they necessary or just another way of wooing a man into her nest? Every sister should covet such behaviors as Abigail, your man to be may need to hear that.

Jacob fell in love with Rachel at first sight. He kissed her and made his intention known to her father.  Instead for her father to release her to Jacob, he gave a condition for marriage: “Serve me for 7 years” he said “and I will give her to you”. A man can give anything for love, 7 years were like 7 days for Jacob to serve Laban. You all know the story that he didn't get what he wanted rather he got what he didn't bargain for and yet he served for another seven years(making 14 years) to get what he wanted. Some have developed a doctrine on this by saying Leah was God’s will for Jacob because Rachael carried her father’s idol. Well, it is their doctrines not Gods.

Do you see, how many time we go into this story and begin to put ourselves into it as if we have a clear view of what their culture looked like then?

Let me ask you my dear reader a blunt question: Was Bathsheba Gods will for David or not?

We can speculate from now till heaven, there is nothing like “God’s will or not” in that! But God uses our circumstances to get us into His divine plans for our lives. David hijacked the wife of Uriah, killed the man and then we saw God coming into the situation to bring Good out of bad decision of David (Christ came from that messy thing) Was Bathsheba God’s will for David like we are made to believe in “God’s will” in our various quarters? You should answer that. Often what we called God’s will in marriage is the ideology, thoughts and make-beliefs we built for ourselves over the years. The truth still remain that “God has a will” either in marriage or in other fields of life. It’s just that His will doesn’t fit into our dogmas.

I can sight many examples from both the bible and people’s lives. The point here is, stop putting God into something he expect you to get into. You can marry any woman or man you wanna marry but there is always a place of responsibilities and consequences (whether palatable or not). It doesn't not mean that God is punishing you rather it means you have works to do in the marriage to make it work!!!! Marriage isn't for lazy people!!

 Now, let me make this clear as simple as possible. Many time we are looking for someone or something to blame for our misfortunes, failures and unpalatable experiences in marriage. The only person that we usually blame is God. Remember Adam, what he said to the Lord “The woman you gave me”? Well the curses that followed, Eve would have been blamed for causing it if it were to be in this our generation. Sometimes we attached some words like “God is punishing me” or “She/he isn't God’s will for my life” or “he or she brought this problem on me”. Most time that we see marriages suffer, we are quick to conclude that “there aren’t compatible” whereas both parties came into this relationship in the name of compatibility.

Everything on earth is run by cause and effects. Marriage can only work when the people involved are ready to give it all it takes instead of being lazy around seeking for an escape route to a paradise-on-earth-marriage like they often portraits in Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood. Those one you see on your TV screen are not marriage, they are “flirting”. If you don't believe me ask your favourite actors and actresses how their marriage is going for them if at all they are married!

3. “YOU NEED TO CONFIRM FROM A MAN IF HE/SHE IS THE RIGHT MAN/WOMAN”

There is nothing wrong in CONFIRMATION but there is absolutely something wrong with us when we are seeking for some “spiritual hype” in other to get a confirmation about whether to marry Miss A or Mr. B. God does confirm his word but that doesn't mean he confirms everything we do according to his plan. Many a times, He allows us to make tough decisions based on our understanding of him. One of those tough decisions is Marriage. You may actually be looking for a way to get it so easy but there aren't any easy way to this. If you are seeking for someone to endorsed that relationship, to tell you that “God wants that man or woman for you” and until you get those you aren't gonna take a step into the reality that is staring at you in the face. You may wait all your life without making any headway in marriage. We married in faith by counting the cost!

What about Telling my Pastor or Rev. about the lady/guy? I would rather ask you that “why are you telling your Pastor?” is it to confirm or to join you in prayer or is it on the basis of accountability? You see marriage isn't about your pastor or a spiritual figure somewhere, marriage has do with your own very life. Yea, someone can confirmed the woman or man you are about to marry but hey, they aren't gonna share in the pains, headaches or traumas you may later found yourself in, well they may encourage you in them but he who is suffering from cancer know what he is suffering from. 

The whole front and back comes back to your door step of counting the cost and knowing what you are getting into. This is why I said you need no man to confirm if he or she is the one for you rather you need to sit down and count the proper cost of what you are about to get into and after that you can now make up your mind of telling the brethren about your decision. If you fail in doing that, well when it happens you will not only blame God but those your confirmers (brethren) will have to share in the blame game. That’s why you see many saying “I wasn't convinced about this relationship issues, it was my pastor or mentor or “father in faith” that told me this or that, yet they are the problem not those who confirmed rightly or wrongly for them.

Read part three (3) Here